eSCAping Type 1

I’m not going to lie, when I first heard this phrase, I immediately thought, “Seriously? Now people have a problem with others being too positive!? Ugh. The world already has so many problems, why add this?”

 Then I looked into it a bit and my thoughts changed… I was the problem! My blog was intended to help people by showing positive perspectives, not hurt them! Sorry.

So then I read MORE and am now confident in two things:

1. None of my initial thoughts were valid.
2. Toxic Positivity is a real issue that everyone should at least be familiar with because it is present in every single person’s life.

Ok, so, if you don’t feel like looking into it, toxic positivity is basically the concept of staying positive in any situation, no matter what, and trying to instill that positivity onto everyone, no matter what. It’s a permanent optimistic mentality. Sounds great, right? Not anything you have to concern yourself with.

But before you dismiss it, STOP & THINK.

I guarantee you have told someone (or at the very least thought it) to just “cheer up” without even really acknowledging the problem they’re facing. I’m sure you have held back tears, or bit your tongue, or somehow hid your true emotions behind a smile so no one would know how you really feel.

Many of us grew up believing that being upset about something meant you were weak. You know, “Sticks and Stones,” and “Put on a Happy Face,” and “Grin and Bare It,” and all that jazz. There are definite stereotypes that deter anyone from publicly expressing emotion, regardless of the situation at hand.

Now, it’s tough, because I don’t think we need to share all of our feelings on each issue with every single person. There’s certainly an appropriate time and place for that. And we’re not bad people for trying to cheer someone up. Life can be pretty shitty sometimes; it definitely helps to have a positive mindset.

But it also helps to be realistic, too.

We need to acknowledge that telling someone to “think positively” might actually have the opposite effect on them. That it could actually be belittling their problems and invalidating their emotions. We need to realize that bottling things up isn’t always good. That it’s okay to feel whatever it is that you’re feeling.

For example… I know I won’t run ever again. And it’s natural for someone to want me to “feel better” about it. So they might tell me how things could be worse. Or how running isn’t that great anyway. Or how I just have to keep exercising. Or how at least I’m a good writer, so it doesn’t matter if I can run. I might even write a whole blog post on how being in a wheelchair has its perks, like being able to wear beautiful stilettos without hurting my feet. 

But losing mobility sucks and I’m allowed to be upset about it.

And you’re allowed to say, “Yeah, that does suck,” and that’s it.

When you think about it, expressing emotions means you’re confident and brave, since you’re not hiding behind some fake persona. So, me being angry or sad or frustrated or confused or resentful is okay, since it’s genuine. I might not feel happy, but that doesn’t mean I don’t feel better.

I wish I had been more aware of toxic positivity when I was still teaching – I like to think it would have been helpful when dealing with those overwhelming teenage emotions… It’s not a new concept, but it’s new to me and has definitely altered my perspective, so I wanted to bring it some attention.

I am 100% guilty of spewing and receiving toxic positivity. But I also still believe it’s healthy to be able to view dark situations with a sense of optimism.

So, let’s strive for something every Ataxian dreams of: balance.