eSCAping Type 1

I never knew that intelligence and the ability to walk go hand-in-hand. Apparently, my IQ drastically dropped once I started using a wheelchair. My shaky voice must mirror my cognitive ability.

Nope. Just kidding. Unfortunately, it’s difficult to express sarcasm through writing. Just like how sometimes it’s difficult for me to vocalize my thoughts. That doesn’t mean I’m not being sarcastic. That doesn’t mean I can’t think.

But A LOT (two words) of ableists automatically treat people with disabilities like toddlers. To the point where there’s a name for it and a movement against it: infantilization.

Technically, to infantilize is to “treat (someone) as a child or in a way which denies their maturity in age or experience.” It commonly occurs to people who are old, disabled, or in an abusive relationship. I get it; if I need physical help, I MUST need mental help, too.

But I have Ataxia, not Infantilism. 

I have a Master’s degree. And three NYS teaching certifications. I own a house. And a dog. And a boat. I birthed a human. And wrote a book. And have presented at conferences. I earn more money right now than I ever have before.

But, apparently, my chronic illness trumps all of that since I still get treated like a child.

Infantilization is when people talk lowwwww and slowwwwwwww to someone with a handicap. It’s even better when they crouch down and lean in to ensure we can hear and understand.

Like the man who really wanted to make sure I knew there were TWO Covid vaccine shots, and since I only got ONE that day, it means I’d have to back in TWO WEEKS but DON’T WORRY because everything would be EXACTLY THE SAME as what I JUST did.

Or they just don’t talk to us at all. Like the time I had to get a dress altered, so my sister-in-law came to help me balance while I stood for the fitting. Despite the fact that I had called to make the appointment, said “hello” upon arrival, and introduced myself – the tailor still looked right at my sister and said, “So, when will she need this dress by?” Cool.

Or when my husband and I went to a museum in Washington D.C. and I had a water bottle in my purse. Upon inspection, the security guard saw it, looked at me and said, “You can’t have food or drink inside,” and then without missing a single beat looked up at my husband and said, “Unless she needs it to take medication or something.” Um. Okay.

I responded, “No, we can throw it out,” and we did and moved on and I doubt anyone except me even thought about it. BUT by addressing someone else ABOUT me IN FRONT OF me, that guard made me instantly feel like an incompetent child. And by adding that bit about “medication” just highlighted that not only was I in a wheelchair, I am disabled. I’m sure not an adult human being.

Or when people talk to us as if we’re toddlers. They use the same high-pitch tone as when talking to a dog. Like at a fair I just went to with my family, when a woman called out to me as I rolled by, “WANNA PET THE PONY??? I can bring it over to you!!!” I know she was “just trying to be nice,” but I highly doubt she shouted that to any other adult that day.

 

And that right there is the problem; everyone “trying to be nice.” It might not be intentional, but it’s still condescending. We know you don’t mean to hurt our feelings (that’s why we usually don’t correct you) but you are (that’s why I’m writing about it).

 

Beyond conversing, infantilization is also when strangers congratulate people with disabilities for doing mundane activities, like going to the movies or playing a sport. [Inspiration Porn] Here’s a hint – if you would praise my 2-year-old for it, maybe have different standards for adults? I don’t congratulate you for seeing with glasses, so you don’t need to congratulate me for moving with a wheelchair.

But my favorite form of infantilization is when various aspects of a person’s life are decided FOR them / on behalf of them (sound familiar?). I know I need physical help cooking, but that doesn’t mean someone else gets to choose what I eat and when I eat it. I know I need physical help taking care of my dog, but that doesn’t mean you get to tell me to get rid of him.

I tell Leo what to do and make decisions for him because he’s an actual child and I’m his actual parent… but I’m 32, and you’re probably not my doctor or parent or roommate, so please give your unwarranted advice like a suggestion, not a demand.

For example, ask me if a cleaning service would be helpful, don’t just tell me to hire one. Ask me if I think daycare would be beneficial, don’t just tell me to enroll.

My house, my kid, my body, my choice…  right?

And last but not least, there’s infantilized touching (which sounds way more provocative than it is). That’s when people touch our mobility aids without our consent. Pleaseeeeeeeee start viewing wheelchairs as an extension of the user’s body, not just a random piece of furniture.

I don’t think you’d go behind an adult and casually push them out of the way without a single word of warning or explanation. I doubt you’ve spontaneously picked up anyone over the age of 5 in a while. So then why is it ok to do that to a person in a wheelchair?

Again, we know people are just trying to be nice, but treating someone like a child is not the same thing as showing them you care. We’re adults, please respect us accordingly.