eSCAping Type 1

The other day, my threenager was jumping off the couch to try to touch the ceiling (Have kids! they said. It’ll be fun! they said.) After a few failed attempts I said, “Good try, buddy, but you’re too short!” to which he immediately responded, “No, mama, the ceiling is too high.”

And I have not stopped thinking about it since.

It’s real easy to view yourself as the problem, especially if you have some sort of disability or handicap. It’s called internalized ableism and, quite frankly, it sucks.

Ableism, very simply, is “discrimination in favor of able-bodied people” It’s the idea that people who are defined by their disabilities are inferior to the non-disabled. Anything different is difficult and wrong.

So, internalized ableism is when “a disabled person discriminates against themself by holding the view that their disability is something to be ashamed of, or something to hide, or by refusing accessibility or support.”

You view yourself negatively, so you’re convinced that’s how society views you, too. You think your presence anywhere is unwelcome because you create unnecessary problems. You’re a burden.

Pretty sure we all grew up hearing, “If at first you don’t succeed, try try again.” Coaches, teachers, and parents would all use this quote as a form of encouragement, pushing you to “never give up” and all that jazz.

But, if you think about it differently, it’s telling us that our success is entirely connected to our personal (usually physical) ability.

If YOU fail a test, it’s because YOU didn’t study hard enough. If YOU lose a game, it’s because YOU didn’t practice hard enough. If YOU don’t get a raise, it’s because YOU didn’t work hard enough.

It has nothing to do with classmates, or teammates, or colleagues. It has nothing to do with learning disabilities, or injuries, or environments, or family issues… Those are excuses, not reasons. Obviously, YOUR problems are all due to YOUR lack of effort. 

For example, recently, my wheelchair wouldn’t fit in the stall of a restaurant’s bathroom. So I instantly blamed myself – I shouldn’t have even left the house, let alone drank anything, I’m creating a problem, I should’ve brought my rollator instead, no one else is experiencing this so it’s definitely my fault, it’s a nice restaurant so I shouldn’t complain, I didn’t even ask about accessibility, I should know by now that my world is limited because of ME and my poor planning, ugh I’m such a burden on everyone here…

…can’t touch the ceiling because I’m too short.

Turns out, I need to take life advice from my toddler. I’m not always the problem. I don’t have control over EVERYTHING – especially when it comes to Ataxia.

I wouldn’t have been a burden if that bathroom stall had been built one foot wider. No one would’ve been inconvenienced. Maybe THAT was the problem, not me just needing to pee. A popular restaurant having accommodations for basic, natural human functions really shouldn’t be a ridiculous expectation. It’s not my fault.

…can’t touch the ceiling because it’s too high.

Same problem, same scenario, different mindset. Sometimes it’s ok to be a little selfish – everyone is. Sometimes it’s ok to share your struggles – you’re asking for help, not pawning them off.

Sure you can blame your disability. And since that is quite literally a part of you, it’s understandable that you, therefore, blame yourself. But please remember that there are always lots of other factors involved.

It’s not your fault for not being able to function in an inaccessible world. Failing at something should not automatically fill you with shame, embarrassment, and guilt. It’s OK if you can’t live up to the ridiculous standards other people create. 

Not being able to get in a building isn’t YOUR fault for using a mobility aid – pretty sure a ramp is easier to get than a cure.

This seems random, but I’m going to end with my all-time favorite quote since I think it pertains exactly to this post:

 “Everyone is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.”