How Motherhood is like having a Chronic Illness
Yes, you read that right. And no, I am not comparing my toddler to Ataxia; Leo is one of the best things to ever happen to me, while this disease is easily the worst.
But as a firm member of both of these groups, there are quite a few unspoken similarities that deserve to be addressed.
Especially because both of these roles are so isolating – it can be comforting to find similarities with someone. It’s nice knowing that someone genuinely understands what you’re feeling, even if they’re experiencing a completely different life event.
And, trust me, neither of these are routes you want to navigate on your own.
For the record, I really think most people experience some level of these things without having a child or a rare disease. That’s what turning 30 is… But not being able to blame your own choices is unique enough to set us apart.
Ah, man, maybe I am comparing Leo to Ataxia? Damnit.
So, without further adieu, here are seven ways I think being a new mom is similar to having a chronic illness:
1. Your old life is (suddenly, completely) gone.
This is the #1 issue I see & hear new moms struggling with: the actual life-changing event of becoming a parent. You can no longer do what you want, when you want. Almost everything – from going out with friends, to getting yourself a snack – is either eradicated or altered once you have a kid.
This is a HUGE part of motherhood that I did not understand. I was so confused by the countless posts I read from women missing their “Former Self.” I knew I was supposed to be feeling that, but I didn’t.
And then it hit me: I couldn’t relate because I had already dealt with this. It wasn’t motherhood that forced me to abandon my old life, it was Ataxia. These poor moms; I know how it feels to all of a sudden be a brand new person who has to do everything differently or not at all.
2. Independence? Freedom? Nope.
I have not taken a relaxing shower in years. Between my husband constantly checking to make sure I didn’t fall & injure myself, and my toddler constantly checking to make sure I didn’t vanish into thin air, I think I can kiss independence goodbye.
3. Everything feels out of control.
As much as you try, whether it be through sleep schedules / physical therapy / sensory activities / neurologist appointments / baby-led weaning / gluten-free diets… there are aspects of this new life that you cannot control. And it’s REALLY frustrating to put in lots of work with no guaranteed, positive outcome.
If your kid misbehaves, if your symptoms progress, is it because you’re doing something wrong? Nope. But it sure feels like yes…
4. Days are either REALLY good or REALLY bad.
Whether you wake up with a baby or a chronic illness, you have NO IDEA what kind of day you have in store.
Maybe you have a billion spoons and are energetic & productive, or maybe there’s no way you’re even getting out of bed. Maybe your kid slept in and is happy & funny and they take naps and eat all three meals, or maybe they suddenly decided they’re actually a dinosaur who only eats marshmallows and roars instead of talking and doesn’t close their eyes. Yup.
It doesn’t matter what you have planned, you now have to factor in something else – something you have no control over – every single second of every single day.
5. Poop, chocolate, or blood? Ataxia, Covid, or allergies?
Google is now your doctor. Does this cough require a hospital visit? Who’s to say?
6. Your body is… different.
Unfortunately, no amount of exercise is going to get rid of stretch marks, or grow back your cerebellum, or rearrange the organs that shifted when you grew another human inside of you, or make your legs suddenly start working. Can it help? Definitely. Can it reverse time? Nope.
7. Get ready for unsolicited advice!
Apparently, a baby and/or a wheelchair are both invitations for strangers to stare, invade personal space, AND offer unwarranted suggestions! Did you know you should be doing yoga? And feeding your kid only homemade meals? And seeing your neurologist more often? And potty train before age 2? And…
I mean, that man who you’ve never seen before stopped jogging to tell you that, so he must know what he’s talking about, right?
I know this post seems like I’m telling you not to have kids. You sure don’t want a chronic illness, so why on Earth would you willingly have anything even remotely similar? And, also, Meg, how dare you compare the two, you bad mom.
That’s obviously not my point. So, I’m sorry if that’s what you take away from this.
I love being a mom. It’s honestly one of the best decisions we ever made. But LIFE can be really hard sometimes… so, regardless of what you’re dealing with, it’s nice knowing you’re not alone.