To all of the People I’ve ever Ghosted,
Unfortunately, my lack of text response over time has cost me quite a few relationships. So, I wanted to post a public apology to anyone who ever wrote to me without a reply.
First and foremost, I am sorry. I really hope you did not take it personally. It was never a reflection on you, or on our relationship, whatever that may be. Though I’m sure it reflected poorly on me.
Now, I’m going to blame Ataxia. But not in a pity / excuse way. Just as a very real explanation.
My disease primarily affects muscle control. The more my cerebellum deteriorates, the more difficult physical activity gets. So, since texting is a fine motor skill, some random days it is literally physically impossible for my fingers to move how I want them to at all. That goes for text messaging, email, social media posts, and even blog comments.
Usually, though, it’s just difficult. Not a reason to not do something.
But any sort of texting – for me – always requires intense focus, concentration, and a whole lot of time. Especially ones that require a thoughtful response – and most do. It looks like I am constantly on my phone since it takes me so long to do anything on it.
Now, I always read every message I get right away. And I actually really love doing so. Seeing people respond to my blog posts – yes, even the negative ones – is such a good feeling. It’s wonderful knowing something I put so much work into is actually being thought about.
So, I always tell myself I’ll reply as soon as I get the opportunity to do so.
But even five minutes of uninterrupted time really is a true rarity for me, considering I cannot move without assistance. Oh, and I have a toddler. My house is never quiet. (Not a complaint, just a fact.)
When I do get those minutes of silence, though, there’s usually some other task that also requires that exact moment. Something with a bit more priority than texting. Like, you know, anything that might strengthen my sanity.
I know you don’t consider texting an “activity.” I know it’s a quick, mindless thing for you. Kind of like brushing your teeth… It’s different for me. I’m sorry.
I feel pretty horrible that *I* made people feel ignored and slighted. I really take full responsibility – please don’t think it ever had anything to do with something you did or said. I’m sorry.
Love, Meg
I still love ya even if you text like a frat boy after a one-night stand ❤️
Miss you and hope you and your family are doing well 💕💛💙
Meg, hoping that people who know you appreciate your amazing strength, and understand your challenges…no need to apologize I would think! You are a special young woman! xoxoxoxo
A really well written post and I completely appreciate it — hey toddler parenthood alone is a good enough reason to not have time to respond! You are an inspiration for everyone with an SCA or any ataxia — and for those of us who know and live people living with it. I don’t need a response just giving you a shout out for being so strong! 💜👏
Please don’t think you need to respond to this—I want to thank you for making me look at people with any type of mental or physical issue in a new and different way. No one carries a sign that says “hey I got this issue”. We all need to think outside the box when it comes to helping a friend/relative/stranger maneuver through their lives with whatever issue they are dealing with. Thank you for giving all of us an insight into your life and how you deal with life’s ups and downs.