A Princess, a Kidnapping, and a Quest: an excerpt
When her older sister goes missing, Princess Sophia must – reluctantly – find her… Or risk going to jail for supposedly killing Isabella for the future crown.
For the record…
– I’ve been writing this “realistic fantasy YA novel” for quite a few years now, and have debated posting excerpts on this blog FOREVER.
– BUT I’ve finally decided to post the first few pages because I would really appreciate any HONEST feedback you have via comments, email, personal message, whatever. The more specific the better; I promise you won’t hurt my feelings.
– I am worried about my work being stolen, but a) it’s not even a full chapter b) I think “Intellectual Property” rules will come into play and c) I have a few great, successful lawyer friends who will make your life miserable if you copy me, so please don’t.
– Help me get published!!! I have no idea what I’m doing, so please share any tips / advice / connections / experience / networks you might have!!!
OK, here goes nothing…
A Princess, a Kidnapping, and a Quest
Chapter 1 – The Ordinary World
“How do I look?” My sister’s melodious voice reflected off of the mirror in front of her as she pinned up a perfectly curled lock of champagne hair. Her ball gown draped off her narrow shoulders like a lilac waterfall, pooling onto the floor around her bare feet. A blush had crept through her cheeks, as if making herself look beautiful required strenuous effort.
“You don’t actually expect an answer, right?” I mumbled from her bed, wincing as I pushed back my cuticles. The only reason I was in her bedroom to begin with was to avoid helping set up downstairs. Clarice was one “Could-you-just…” away from having a centerpiece thrown at her face.
A silver-winged fairy bobbed over a pocket mirror laying beside me, comparing her own image to Isabella’s. Her short platinum hair matched her wings and her purple dress mirrored her godchild’s. My own fairy godmother would never do that.
“There,” Isabella sighed with dramatic relief as she secured the last pin at the base of her neck. The fairy was immediately circling her scalp, smoothing down invisible flyaways, making sure nothing was missed. When everything was in place, Rosemary zoomed back to the pocket mirror to continue primping herself.
“Our guests will be arriving soon,” Bella said delicately, glancing over her shoulder at me with bright blue eyes.
“Your guests. Not our guests. It’s your party,” I reminded her, as our mother had so politely done during every dinner for the past month. “I’m just supposed to blend in, remember? This is your moment-” I stopped myself from adding that life was her moment.
Isabella smiled as she turned to actually face me.
“I’m sure there will be a prince or two who catch your eye. You’re not a child anymore – soon you’ll have to find a proper suitor, just like me.”
“It still seems archaic,” I countered.
“Which part?”
I forgot my sister actually listened to me. Probably because we rarely talked to begin with.
“Finding a husband in one night just because you come of age,” I explained.
“Well, you know it’s not really like that. It’s tradition-”
“It’s degrading.”
“It’s tradition,” she repeated more firmly, “that we have since altered. Having a spouse when I eventually take the crown will make ruling Attrovia easier.”
“Because people will listen to a man and not a woman?” I meant it as a statement, but Bella had an uncanny way of making me question my beliefs.
“Because a team is always stronger than an individual, Sophia. You know this. It’s not a requirement for me to marry, it’s a recommendation.”
She stood up and sauntered over to the bed, picking up a pillow and turning it over in her hands. I couldn’t tell if she wanted to embrace it, scream in it, or smother me with it.
“You really think you’ll find your future husband tonight?” I looked up at her with raised eyebrows, in an attempt to lighten the mood.
“I mean, if I don’t, that just means we’ll get to throw a ball for you.” She shrugged and smiled again at me, knowingly.
“True, but I’ve got two years to figure out how to avoid that.”
“Avoid that? Now why on earth would you want to -”
A resounding crash cut her off mid-sentence.
“SOPHIA!” The King’s voice carried up three flights of stairs, sounding as if he were in the neighboring room instead.
“How am I possibly getting blamed for this?” I pushed myself off the sea of pillows I had sunk into. “I’ve literally been stories away for the past hour…” My father’s patience was not one to test, though. With a heavy sigh, I jogged out of the room and scaled the stone stairs, letting my teal gown billow like a cape behind me. I grabbed the banister at the bottom step to spin myself around, and continued my gait down the vast hallway, bursting into the ballroom at the end with a flourish.
“Your highness?” I questioned automatically through heavy breaths before even registering the scene.
One of the seven chandeliers that usually graced the cathedral ceiling was now lying, shattered, on the marble dance floor. Shards of gold and glass sparkled dangerously in the light of their functioning counterparts, reflecting up onto the deep purple cloths that skirted the surrounding tables.
“Oh…”
I could feel the heat radiating off of my dad’s face. He stood inches away from the wreckage, the hue of his skin matching the tables. My stomach clenched with the realization that he was probably standing right there when it fell. Our head butler, Hedenburgh, scurried behind me with a broom, pushing me toward my father. Each step toward him felt like I was wading through a swamp.
“Tell me,” the king whispered, once I was finally close enough to feel his breath on my forehead. “That this… incident… had nothing to do with you.”
“This incident had nothing to do with me?”
“SOPHIA!” It physically hurt as the sound hit my face. I must not have been convincing enough.
“It wasn’t supposed to fall,” the words pushed their way through the slit between my stationary lips as my hand slid up to rub the back of my suddenly-scalding neck.
My father drew a breath, and I braced myself for its release. When it didn’t come, I figured it was best to continue.
“Genevieve wanted to-”
“Do not blame this on your fairy godmother, Sophia!” The king cut me off immediately. “You know very well that she can never cause harm to any human being.”
“Okay, first, as far as fairy rules go, she really only can’t endanger me, as her godchild. Second, obviously I didn’t touch that chandelier, so yes she is at least partially to blame. Third, we did this all with the intention of making Bella’s ball even more perfect because the light fixture was going to rotate, like a disco ball. We were just trying to put a little youth and fun into what is bound to be a boring night. We didn’t mean to put anyone at risk of dying.”
My father inhaled through his nose so deeply I could feel the surrounding oxygen level decrease. His nostrils flared like a bull.
“If you truly want to ensure this ‘boring’ evening’s perfection,” he whispered in a tone more terrifying than his yell, “you will-”
“I know, I know. Mom has already told me, repeatedly, to stay out of the way,” I recited.
“The Queen is right!” My father’s voice rose instantaneously. “This is Isabella’s coming-of-age ball; it is not meant to be some frivolous party! She turns 18 at the stroke of midnight, which means she must find a proper suitor so that she can-”
“Take over the world?”
“What? No. Take over this kingdom when your mother and I decide to retire. Though I am honored that you equate this privilege with world dominance…”
I must have gotten my sarcasm from my mom.
“If you all want me out of the way so badly, why are you even making me come tonight? I’d be perfectly fine staying in my room.”
The king sighed and rested a hand on my shoulder.
“You must be, understandably so, jealous of your sister at this particular junction in her life-” The creases around his chocolate eyes vanished as they widened with pity.
“No, that’s not it at all.”
“I am sure it must be difficult for you to see the glory in this, as she is the rightful heir to the throne-”
“I really couldn’t be happier that I don’t have to do this.”
“But you, too, will get your shining moment when you come of age in two year’s time. It’s just that the likelihood of you becoming queen is-”
“Slim to none, since both mom and Bella would have to die,” I casually concluded.
“Right,” he finally acknowledged my response. “And, so long as you haven’t hindered any other decorations for this evening, that will not occur under my rule.”
I opened my mouth to ensure this, but his sentiment apparently ended our pep talk. With a quick pat on my shoulder the King turned and left the room without another word. At a loss for what to do next, I turned to Hedenburgh, who was sweeping the bare floor. His bald head reflected the lights above in an almost-beautiful manner.
“You realize the mess is cleaned up, right?” I more so stated than asked.
“You’re taking some pretty extreme measures to avoid attending this ball, little lady,” he scolded in response.
Almost.
“What are you talking about?”
“‘…like a disco ball…’” he quoted in a high-pitched tone of mockery, spinning the broom as he did so. “Gen could rotate that chandelier, if she wanted to. You intended for it to fall.”
“And risk being grounded for Isabella’s party?” I drew a hand to my chest in pretend outrage.
“And risk decapitating the king, while you were at it.”
“I didn’t hurt anyone, Head.”
“You’re lucky,” he shook the broom so that the last of the trapped glass particles fell to the floor before pointing the brush toward me, like a finger. “And I’ve asked you, repeatedly, not to call me that, Princess.”
“I don’t know if ‘lucky’ is the word I’d use…” I ignored his statement, as he should expect me to, by now. “Tonight is going to be awful.”
“I am positive it will be more enjoyable if your parents are in a good mood for it.” Headenburgh was eyeing me wearily as he brought the broom back down to the floor. “You clearly don’t want a big role in this ‘awful’ event, anyway. It should be easy to step back and let your sister be the star.”
“To be fair, I rarely take attention away from Princess Isabella,” I countered, rolling my eyes. “It’s difficult to take attention away from someone who effortlessly captures everyone’s the second she walks in a room.”
“And your father’s comment on jealousy seems to be proven correct right now.”
“Shut up, Head,” I emphasized the last word to fully show my retaliation. “It’s not my fault that the universe ignores me until I do something wrong.”
“Is that why you do the wrong thing so often then?”
Instantly regretting ever starting a conversation with him, I spun to walk out of the room, casually thrusting an arm out to knock over one of the towering centerpieces along the way.
The door slammed behind me, almost masking the crash of the vase. There were literally thousands of flowers just outside. And Head already had the broom with him. I wasn’t a stereotypical teenager, I was mature. I just needed some fresh air. And to remove myself from the scene of the crime.